The CSSA Hot 100 Special

The CSSA Hot 100 Special

Hosted by TRL

The official CSSA 2003 Hotlist!

Well, the votes are in, the bikinis are on, and the Posse is in the
Audience. Welcome to the first Annual (Annual – are we doing this
every year?) CSSA Hot 100 Special! My name is TRL, and I’m a happy
contributor to CSSA. For several years now, the Celebrity Sex Story
Archive has been THE final word on hot celebs, hosting nearly 3,000
stories devoted to hot women, hot sex, and hotter fantasies.
Tonight, we celebrate all that is hot in the CSSA world, by going
over the list of Hot
Celebs and having a little fun along the way.

First off, some information for you. In case you can’t count, our
Top 100 list actually features one hundred and six women. Why a
hundred and six? Well, you’d have to talk to VooDoo Joe for the
specifics, but he claims it’s because of ties. We just think he
missed a few counting along. Not that we’re complaining! An extra
half dozen babes are always welcome around the CSSA crew!

The votes for this list came from a completely open, completely fair
listing on the CSSA message board. In fact, you can still find it
there. You can see how people voted, who individuals voted for, and
quite possibly a lot of WHY people voted for who they voted for. If
you didn’t vote, no bitchin! We’ve already started filming this
special, so it’s too late now. Biographic data about each celeb was
found on the internet – in other words, if it’s wrong DON’T BLAME
US! We’re too lazy to double check our sources. Also, the counts on
the stories on CSSA are rough estimates based on information up to
the June 29th update. So if there are more or less, it ain’t our
fault, either!

We’ll work our way down from 106 to 1, provide a little (emphasis on
little) info on each celeb, and celebrate CSSA life in general.
We’ll hear from some CSSA regulars, tell some tall tales, and
generally just get rowdy. Hope you all left your gardening tools at
home – the cops are already looking for us, so no bloodshed!

Special thanks to VooDoo Joe for tallying the votes, Rulehater for
not only rhyming a bit for us, but also letting us poke fun at him,
all the CSSA regulars who get laughed at within, Victoria for
hosting the site, everyone who voted, and anyone reading this for
letting TRL get away with writing in the plural through out this
little special. We’ll try hard not to let it happen again.

So, without further ado, let’s hit that list!

* * *

106: Holly Valance:

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 8

Occupation: Aussie Soap Actress/ pop star

Date of Birth: May 11, 1983

Birth Place: New Zealand

Not the biggest name in America, Holly has a rising fan base around
the rest of the world, making her a shoe in for an eventual run on
the American Billboard charts. A hot blonde with attitude, she’s
decidedly yummy, and is perhaps best known for her hit single, “Kiss
Kiss.” Musical success is a major goal for the actress previously
famous to millions as Felicity ‘Flick’ Scully from Neighbours.

105: Angelica Bridges

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Actress/Former Baywatch Babe

Date of Birth: November 20th, 19??

Birth Place: Harrisonville, Missouri, USA

Red hair on a hot body can be like a siren call for men, and
Angelica Bridges personifies that mystifying ability to a tee. A
former soap actress and Baywatch regular, she’s shown more skin than
half the top ten. But really, after appearing in THAT red bathing
suit, do you NEED to show any more skin?

104: Sofia Vergara

Points garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 5

Occupation: Model

Date of Birth: July 10th, 1972

Place of Birth: Barranquilla, Colombia

Rumor has it that Sofia was first spotted on the beaches of
Colombia, where she instantly earned herself a modeling contract.
She DOES get 12 million hits on her website a month, so there’s no
doubting her beauty (or the number of geeks on the internet!). The
bad news: She has a child. The good news: She’s a SINGLE mother.
Here’s a hint – give the kid ten bucks and lock the bedroom door.

103: Liv Tyler

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 18

Occupation: Actress/Daughter of Steven Tyler

Date of Birth: July 1st, 1977

Birth Place: New York (well, THAT narrows it down!)

Despite the fact that her character was little more than a cameo in
“The Two Towers,” Liv Tyler still ranks pretty high around these
parts. Be it from playing potential lesbians in Aerosmith videos
with Alicia Silverstone, Arwen the Elf in “Lord of the Rings,” or
just looking damn hot, Liv’s got talent. And lips. Have we mentioned
her lips? Yummy!

102: Penelope Cruz

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 6

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 28 April 1974

Birth Place: Madrid, Spain

Known outside her native country as the “Spanish enchantress,”
PenTlope Cruz may be the ultimate non-english actress. Then again,
she may also be hotter than hell, and thus clouding our judgment.
Taking off her top in multiple films doesn’t help, either. Dating
Tom Cruise, though, just makes her look like she could do WAY
better…

101: Jessica Biel

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 28

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: March 3, 1982

Place of Birth: Ely, Minnesota

Here’s a lesson in how NOT to get fired. Don’t run to a men’s
magazine when you’re only 17, pose practically naked while your
father watches, and proclaim you want off your hit TV show because
it’s too preachy. Those damn TV producers will force your contract
down your throat and keep you attached to the show FOREVER! Bad
news: Jessica still does appearances on “7th Heaven” Good news:
Jessica’s issue of Gear shows off her lovely, natural tits. Check
online to see if you can grab a copy if you haven’t already.

100: Ashley Judd

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 7

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: April 19, 1968

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California

The best thing to ever come out of Naomi Judd also happened to weigh
the least. Ashley’s got a string of hit movies under her belt, no
desire to sing, and is also a college hoops fan. Best of all, nearly
every film Ashley’s been in features at least a glimpse of those
perfect breasts of hers.

99: Claire Danes

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 13

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 12 April 1979

Place of Birth: New York, New York

So, you have a cult hit TV show, then make a few bad movies, nearly
derailing your career. What do you do? Well, looking as hot as
Claire Danes helps, but we think it might have more to do with
getting in on the third “Terminator” movie that has Claire making it
on the list. The good news: Claire does NOT make out with Arnold in
the movie. The bad news: She doesn’t make out with hot newcomer
Kristanna Loken, either.

98: Heidi Klum

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12 – 1 in German no less!

Occupation: Supermodel/Actress

Date of Birth: June 1, 1973

Place of Birth: Cologne, Germany

It’s surprising there aren’t more supermodels on the CSSA Hot List.
But then again, maybe it isn’t. After all, not every supermodel can
look like Heidi Klum. Sports Illustrated Cover model, Victoria
Secret darling, and willing to show off plenty of the goods (if not
all of them) ranks Heidi pretty high indeed. Now, just keep her away
from any more shows like “Spin City” and she’ll be fine.

97: Kaley Cuoco

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: November 30, 1985

Place of Birth: California, USA

Perhaps the freshest face on the CSSA hotlist, Kaley is one of the
stars of the surprising hit TV show “8 Simple Rules for Dating My
Teenage Daughter.” Frankly, we think they should call the show “8
Simple Rules for Fucking My Teenage Daughter Senseless.” After all,
that’s all anyone is thinking about upon seeing Kaley.

96: Salma Hayek

Points Garnered: 6

Number of Stories on CSSA: 16

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: September 2, 1966

Place of Birth: Coatzacoalcos, Mexico

When they coined the term “Latin Heat,” they weren’t talking about
the temperatures around Coatzacoalcos, Mexico. They were talking
about Salma. Ravenous dark eyes, boobs that won’t quit, and an
accent that you can’t help but loving (trust us, we’ve tried) the
only surprise about Salma’s appearance on the hot list is the fact
that she wasn’t higher. Or spelled wrong on it – we never bothered
to spell check this damn thing, you know.

95: Amy Acker

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 5 December 1976

Place of Birth: Dallas, Texas

The Buffy girl who never appeared on Buffy! Best known for playing
the nerdy “Fred” on the spinoff Vampire series “Angel,” Amy hides a
decidedly non-nerdy body under those clothes. And, lets face it,
REAL nerds wouldn’t be fighting vampires – they’d be asking them
pointless trivia questions about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

94: Michelle Williams (Destiny’s Child)

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Singer/Member of Destiny’s Child

Date of Birth: 23 July 1980

Place of Birth: Rockford, Illinois

One third of Pop Music sensation Destiny’s Child, Michelle shouldn’t
be confused with that OTHER Michelle Williams (the hot blonde from
Dawson’s Creek). What is it with the name Michelle Williams and the
initials DC? Are the inseparable or something? I mean, really! This
Michelle is a hot blooded sista’ with a recently released Christian
Music album. Oh, well, maybe when God’s done with her, the rest of
us can have a shot.

93: Meredith Deane

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: Actress?

Date of Birth: 28 February 1990

Place of Birth: California

If we have a mystery anywhere on the list, it’s Meredith. We THINK
this babe is one of the former stars of “Once and Again,” and that
she’s starred opposite Sandra Bullock in the movie “28 Days.” But
seeing as how we’ve never seen either (or at least we won’t admit to
having seen either), we can’t comment. We suggest that whoever voted
for her get off their ass and write some stories on her, though! Who
knew we had a complete no show on the list! (editor’s note: We
actually have SEVERAL!)

92: Dina Meyer

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 4

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 22 December 1968

Place of Birth: Queens, New York

If you’ve seen the TV show “Birds of Prey,” “Star Trek:
Insurrection,” or a handful of episodes of “Beverly Hills 90210,”
then good for you – No one else did. Needless to say, Dina is a
smoking hot redhead who’s equally talented playing a wheelchair
bound superhero or a devious Romulan commander. Yeah, we don’t know
what that means, either, but she certainly looked good topless in
“Starship Troopers!”

91: Kelly Monaco

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: Soap Star/ Playboy Playmate

Date of Birth: 23 May 1976

Place of Birth: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Yes, TRL, we know! We KNOW! Kelly was Miss April, 1997, and remains
one of Playboy’s Special Editions favorite models. She also appears
on the Soap Opera “Port Charles,” and WILL have some stories on CSSA
soon. Well, that’s according to TRL, for whom we all know “soon” is
a relative term. At least there are plenty of naked pictures of
Kelly to keep us occupied while we wait.

90: Victoria Adams-Beckham

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 40, in THREE different Categories!

Occupation: Singer/Actress/Wife of some soccer player

Date of Birth: 17 April 1974

Place of Birth: Hertfordshire, England, UK

Anyone who doubts that the Spice Girls left a lasting impression on
the world need only look as far as #90 on our list. This former Girl
Power bombshell may have married David Beckham (who has a movie
named after him that doesn’t star him – wise choice by the casting
department!), but she’s still best known for hanging around with
five other girls, wearing very little clothing, and occasionally
pretending to sing. Ah, the mid 90′s. What a wonderful time…

* * *

So, we’re through the first 17 stars on our list, and all the better
for it. Now’s a good time to visit some of our honorable mentions.
And, let’s not forget that just because a woman didn’t make it into
the top 100 doesn’t mean they aren’t hot. They just aren’t the
HOTTEST.

Well, with one or two exceptions:

HONORABLE MENTION #1

Michelle the Maid (aka Michelle LaTourelle)

Points Garnered: None

Number of Stories on CSSA: 7

Occupation: Cleanliness Expert/Lesbian Housekeeper

Date of Birth: Harem #6

Place of Birth: KMB’s perverted mind.

The only Non celeb woman who’s gotten to really enjoy “The Harem”
like the residents, Michelle is a hot body who, in KMB’s own words,
“(has) shoulder length blonde hair, blue eyes and (a) generous
bust.” Okay, that’s not that descriptive, but it’s what she does
with it that counts! She may not be a star, may not be famous, and
may not even be REAL, but she’s a favorite around the CSSA offices
(wait, we have offices?). She’s kinky almost to Rose McGowan
standards, loves licking pussy, and wouldn’t give most of us the
time of day. Some of us didn’t even know she had a last name
(*Cough*TRL*Cough*), but we’re happy she’s here.

We’re here now with two of Michelle’s co-stars from “The Harem” –
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Christina Aguilera.

TRL: Thanks for joining us, Girls.

LOVE: No Problem

XTINA: Actually, I’m double-parked. Can we make this quick?

TRL: Uh, sure.

XTINA: Thanks, toots. I’ll give you a blow sometime.

TRL: Thanks – I think. We’re here to talk about Michelle the Maid,
from your hit CSSA series, “The Harem.”

LOVE: I LOVE Michelle! She’s so sweet to work with. A real team
player.

XTINA: She licks pussy like a wildcat. There, there’s your damn
sound bite. Can I go now?”

TRL: Not yet, Christina. What’s your favorite part of working with
Michelle?

LOVE: Well, she’s a classically trained Actress – she’s done
Shakespeare in the Park for the last Five years, and spends her
spare time doing a lot of Off Broadway. I’ve learned more about
acting from her than I ever did on “Party of Five.”

XTINA: Didn’t I just tell you this? She licks pussy really well!
Never had better in my life – well, Maybe that one time when Rose
and I went on a bender down in Mexico…

TRL: Love, have you enjoyed your scenes with Michelle?

LOVE: When I have them. Lately, with the show moving to New York and
all, we haven’t had too many scenes together.

XTINA: Wait a second, Michelle’s done Shakespeare? I thought she was
a porn star? I mean, Jenna gave her glowing reviews for their last
video together.

TRL: Christina, are you fingering yourself right now?

XTINA: Yeah, why not? I mean, you can’t expect me to sit still for
five minutes without an orgasm, do you?

TRL: Uh, I guess not.

LOVE: Get used to it, she does this a lot. It was hell getting her
through the scene with the boys next door. Waldo had to keep pulled
her fingers out of her snatch so they could finish the scene. Took
87 takes.

TRL: Maybe now would be a good time to end this.

XTINA: Fuck that! Get your worthless mouth over here and start
licking, boy. You may not be Michelle, but you’ll do in a pinch.

* * *

89: Claudette Ortiz

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 21 July 1981

Place of Birth: Willingboro, New Jersey

The non-raping third of the urban trio “City High,” Claudette runs
her fine body low on the radar scopes around here – she’s our THIRD
entry with NO stories. However, we’re sure that if she just got her
hot little hands on a hit single, made a sexy video, and perhaps
lost the useless two guys in her “group,” she’d gain plenty of
attention! At least enough for Rulehater to start championing her
next to Beyonce!

88: Shannon Elizabeth

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 17

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 7 September 1973

Place of Birth: Houston, Texas

Say what you will about the “American Pie” movies – they did show us
a whole new way to appreciate hot foreign exchange students. And
while Nadia may have actually come from Texas (and her boobs from
the hospital), we’re more than happy to watch her strip down in
front of that Internet camera time and time again.

87: Estella Warren

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 8

Occupation: Model/Actress

Date of Birth: 23 December 1978

Place of Birth: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada

Canada may be best known for doing nothing but playing hockey,
making cheap, imitation maple syrup, and dressing their cops in
funny red uniforms, but they do make some fine ass women up there.
Estella’s a good example. Sure, her biggest role to date was running
around with Mark Whalberg, and an ape (oops, sorry, same thing), but
this smoking hot former champion swimmer is impossible to ignore. Go
on, we dare you. Ignore her! She’s not going away! SEE SHE’S BACK
AGAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

86: Eve

Points Garnered: 7

Number of Stories on CSSA: 4

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 10 November 1978

Place of Birth: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA

We aren’t sure what surprises us more – that rapper Eve once worked
as a table dancer/stripper, or that she only has 4 stories on CSSA,
all written by Rulehater. We’re probably going with the only 4
stories – because once the fact that she’s a former stripper gets
out, we think she’ll get a lot more stories.

85: Ashanti

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 6

Occupation: Singer/Actress?

Date of Birth: 13 October 1980

Place of Birth: Glen Cove, Long Island, New York, USA

Ashanti is just one of many female celebs using only one name. Many
(Madonna, Cher, Elmo) are loosers. In Ashanti’s case, we can let her
get away with it. After all, have you seen the girl! Hotter than
hell, she is. She can ride our elephant any day – yes, CSSA has an
elephant – it occasionally appears in Beast Stories, and is named
Mr. Peanuts. We’re really good a coming up with pet names, aren’t
we?

84: Vivica A. Fox

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 July 1964

Place of Birth: Indianapolis, Indiana

With a last name like Fox, there’s no doubt that Vivica would make
it on our list. The actress best known for her roles in “Why do
Fools Fall in Love,” “Idle Hands,” and “Juwanna Mann” (okay, no one
knows she was in that last film, but it was listed, so it got
posted), Vivica has a smoking hot bod that makes her a welcome
visitor to any movie screen.

83: Brittany Murphy

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 8

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 10 November 1977

Place of Birth: Atlanta, Georgia, USA

Our #83 babe has an interesting habit you may not know about – she
sleeps with her costars – like Eminem and Ashton Kutcher (man,
there’s a threesome we’d hate to have to watch). This southern belle
has the trailer trash look down pat, making her even more tempting.
We keeping hoping her next film will see her locked in an all-girls
dormitory on a lesbian campus. We also hope this film will co star
the likes of Rose McGowan, Jamie Pressly, Kirsten Dunst, or any
writer from CSSA – just to see who she sleeps with next. And yes,
we’d be willing to go in drag if it meant catching a piece of that
snatch!

82: Rosario Dawson

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 5

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 9 May 1979

Place of Birth: New York, New York, USA

Forget “Deliver us From Eva” – How about “Deliver us to Rosario’s
Apartment When She’s Feeling Horny!” The ultimate intelligent babe,
Rosario combines good looks with great acting chops and lips that
look like they could suck the steel off a battleship. She also has
the distinction of playing a member of “Josie and the Pussycats.”
Not that that’s saying much.

81: Ashlee Simpson

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Actress/singer?/Sister of Jessica Simpson

Date of Birth: 3 October 1984

Place of Birth: Dallas, Texas

We here at CSSA aren’t sure if being the Sister to a hot Pop Singer
is enough to get you a spot on the CSSA Hot 100 list, but seeing as
how Ashlee actually IS hot, we’re willing to let it slide. We’d also
be willing to let this 19-year-old blonde slide up and down our
poles all she wants – we have some firefighter poles out back that
no one’s been using lately. We just take the elevator.

80: Julianne Moore

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 3 December 1960

Place of Birth: Fayetteville, North Carolina

People can argue all they want about who’s the better Clarice
Starling – Jodi Foster or Julianne Moore. For our money, Julianne’s
got the better lips. She’s also best known for being Amber Waves in
“Boogie Nights.” That alone makes her a shoe-in for the CSSA hot
list. After all, she played a porn star. And what do we love around
here? Actresses who play porn stars, of course!

* * *

HONORABLE MENTION #2

Jubilee

Points Garnered: None

Number of Stories on CSSA: 7 (as a Writer)

Occupation: Writer (d’uh!)

Date of Birth: Like she’d tell us!

Place of Birth: If we told you, we’d have to kill you

Jubilee is CSSA’s resident female writer. We say resident, but she
doesn’t actually live with us. In fact, we barely have visitation
rights! Come on, Jubilee! Let us come over to visit some time! We
promise we won’t ruin the carpets like we did the last time we hung
out at Voodoo Joe’s place!

Best known for her Celebrity College series, Jubilee is a rising
star at CSSA – and it’s not just because she’s one of only a handful
of women who’ll deal with us. She’s actually a talented writer, too!

Here to discuss Jubilee are two of the stars of her hit series,
“Celebrity College.” Rachel Stevens is a former member of S Club 7,
and Anna Kournikova is a model who plays tennis on her days off.

TRL: Thanks for joining us, girls.

RACHEL: No problem, TRL. We’re happy to support Jubilee

ANNA: Who?

TRL: Jubilee. The writer of the “Celebrity College” series.

ANNA: The What?”

TRL *sighs* Rachel, what’s it like working for Jubilee.

RACHEL: It’s a total blast. She’s so good at coming up with hot
scenes for us girls to act out. She’s also got the whole college
girl angst thing down to a tee.

TRL: We’ve heard you enjoy working with her so much, you’ve taken on
a second project with her.

RACHEL: Jubilee is so much fun to be around, that when she asked me
to help her out by starring a new tale to celebrate CSSA hitting
3,000 stories, I couldn’t refuse.

TRL: We understand you’re working with another Celeb College alumni.

RACHEL: I am, but I can’t tell you who yet.

TRL: We heard it was Britney Spears.

RACHEL: I thought it was a secret.

ANNA: I can TOO play tennis! There is no secret about that!

TRL: Anna, do you enjoy all the lesbian sex that takes place in
Celebrity College?

ANNA: I have only had sex with men. I am not a lesbian. I am not a
model. I am a Tennis Player. I have won many games when the cameras
aren’t looking.

RACHEL: (whispering) We have to dub her lines in for her.

TRL: Why doesn’t that surprise me?

* * *

79: Roxanne Biggs-Dawson

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 11 September 1964

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California, USA

Trekkies of the world, Unite! Celebrate the fact that this Star
Trek: Voyager beauty has made it onto the CSSA Hot List! It combines
your two favorite pastimes – watching Star Trek, and surfing for
porn on the Internet. Seriously, Lt. Belanna Torres was the real sex
bomb of Voyager – and Roxanne Dawson (as she goes by now) played the
sexiest Klingon we’ve ever seen. Of course, she would’ve looked a
lot better without all those bumps on her forehead…

78: Jewel

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 21

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 23 May 1974

Place of Birth: Alaska (we think)

Former Lilith Fair staple Jewel has made a big change in her image
lately – now, instead of hiding those ample tits of hers, she’s
showing them off. Oh, and apparently, she’s still singing. We aren’t
sure, though, because when we look at her breasts, the rest of our
senses go kinda numb. It’s a medical problem we should have looked
at some time. That is, some time when we aren’t looking at Jewel…

77: Amy Dumas (Lita)

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 52

Occupation: Professional Wrestler

Date of Birth: 14 April 1975

Place of Birth: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Men love a woman who can kick their ass. Men love Lita (aka Amy
Dumas) because she DOES kick their ass – usually while wearing
little more than a bikini and a smile. But that’s all right, we’re
gluttons for punishment. At least, we are when we aren’t in the
hospital.

76: Josie Maran

Points Garnered: 8

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Model/Actress

Date of Birth: 8 May 1978

Place of Birth: Menlo Park, California

If you don’t know who Josie Maran is, just ask Victor Field &
MuffinMan – they’re the only two authors to write about the
delectable model who’s got a set of the most perfect nipples we’ve
ever seen. We suspect, though, that Vic and MM might be tight lipped
about just how much they know about Josie – last we heard, she had
restraining orders out against both of them for their work on
“Visiting Hours.”

75: Yamila Diaz-Rahi

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Model

Date of Birth: 1978

Place of Birth: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Think you might be a supermodel? Take this handy quiz: Do you have a
funny first name? Were you born in an area of the world where string
bikinis are more common than medical vaccinations? Did you make it
on the CSSA Hot 100 List? If you answered yes to any of these
questions, you must be Yamila Diaz-Rahi. If you aren’t Yamila and
you still answered yes to all these questions, you seriously need to
check yourself into a mental ward, because you’re fucked in the
head!

74: Ashley Scott

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 4

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 13 July 1977

Place of Birth: Metairie, Louisiana

Our end over end celeb of choice, Ashley Scott, is an up and coming
(and yes, all puns intended) actress whose recent credits include
the TV shows “Dark Angel” and “Birds of Prey.” She’s worked with
several other CSSA hotlist members, including Dina Meyer and Jessica
Alba. If that doesn’t earn her a chance to be on the Hotlist,
nothing will. Well, maybe becoming the first person to do a
completely nude show on primetime network TV would get you on the
list. Hey, that gives us an idea…

73: Shannen Doherty

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 22 (Most with her name spelled wrong)

Occupation: Actress/TV Host/Real Life Bitch ;)

Date of Birth: 12 April 1971

Place of Birth: Memphis, Tennessee

There’s no one on this list who gets into more trouble at work that
Shannen Doherty. Famous for pissing off costars on both “90210″ and
“Charmed,” Shannen now spends her days hosting Sci-Fi’s “Scare
Tactics.” After watching a few episodes of the lame show, we’ve come
to the conclusion that the scariest thing may be that it’s still on
the air. Still, Shannen’s the type of bad girl we all want to wake
up next to in the morning – even if it means we’ve spent the night
tied to the bed.

72: Sabrina Lloyd

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 20 November 1970

Place of Birth: Mount Dora, Florida

Short, with dark hair, Sabrina Lloyd has a cult following that’s
surprisingly large. Be it from her role as Wade on “Sliders,” or as
Natalie on “Sports Night,” the almost pixyish Lloyd can edit
together sports clips, travel between dimensions, or get a rise out
of her fans just by blinking. And yes, we did mean “rise” to be a
double entendre.

71: Roselyn Sanchez

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress/Pageant Winner

Date of Birth: 2 April 1970

Place of Birth: San Juan, Puerto Rico

Oh, those Latin women. Cinnamon skin, silky hair, bouncy breasts.
What’s not to love? Roselyn Sanchez has all of these things, plus
She was Miss Puerto Rico Petite 1993 and in 1994 won the
international title of Miss America Petite. What does that mean?
She’s Petite, you idiot! What, do we have to spell it out for you?

70: Thora Birch

Points Garnered: 9

Number of Stories on CSSA: 3

Occupation: Actress/Daughter of a Porn Star

Date of Birth: 11 March 1982

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California

We’re still trying to get over Thora’s amazing boobs, as seen in
“American Beauty.” And, while Thora’s certainly that, the best part
of that whole little window scene is the naughty knowledge that
Thora was only 17 when she shot it. But, since her mom was a famous
Porn Star, we think it just came naturally to this hot little
number.

* * *

You know, there is no more sacred position on the CSSA Hotlist than
# 69. Well, okay, #1 is pretty damn important, as are #’s 2-68. But
there’s a certain prestige about being #69. I mean, come on you’re
69! Like the sex position! Or TRL’s baseball Jersey Number (True
Story – Don’t Ask).

Our # 69 this year is Former “Xena” side kick, Renee O’Conner.
We’re sure Renee deserved more votes, but somehow, position 69 seems
just so fitting to this little minx who for years played second
fiddle to perhaps the biggest possible lesbian icon on TV.

We thought we’d celebrate our # 69 babe by sending fellow Xenia star
Lucy Lawless to interview Angelina for us:

TRL: Carnage, have you seen Lucy Lawless? We need her Renee O’Conner
interview Pronto!

CARNAGE: I think she’s still in her dressing room. Let’s go look…

TRL: *Knocking on a door* Lucy? Are you in there! We’re supposed to
show your interview now!

LAWLESS: Go away, I’m doing the 69 thing!

CARNAGE: You’re still interviewing Renee?

LAWLESS: Interviewing? What the hell are you talking about! We’re
69ing!

TRL: She’s joking, right?

LAWLESS: Oh, GOD! LICK ME! LICK ME HARD!

CARNAGE: She’s not joking.

LAWLESS: Didn’t I tell you to go away! Oh, YES, right there baby!

*long silence*

TRL: I’ll go get the keys to the room!

CARNAGE: I’ll go get the video camera!

* * *

69: Renee O’Conner

Points Garnered: 9.5

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 15 February 1971

Place of Birth: Katy, Texas

No one, and we mean NO ONE, watched “Xena: Warrior Princess” for the
stories. Sure, some might claim it so, but when you dig down deep
enough, the real reason was Renee O’Conner. As Xenia’s feisty little
sidekick Gabriele, Renee made a habit out of wearing tummy baring
period pieces that left very little to the imagination – even if the
rumors that her character was Xena’s lesbian lover. No wonder there
are so many Xena stories on TSSA (almost 50!).

68: Angelina Jolie

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 22

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 4 June 1975

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California

It’s hard to believe that anyone could play Tomb Raider Lara Croft.
Fortunately, for us, the pixilated beauty found a perfect match in
Angelina Jolie – even if Angelina isn’t quite as stacked as her
alter ego. Still, with lips like those, no one’s complaining. Well,
except for the French. They’re always complaining about SOMETHING!

67: Elle Macpherson

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 11

Occupation: Model

Date of Birth: 29 March 1963

Place of Birth: Killara, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia

If you don’t remember when Elle Macpherson was one of the biggest
names in the super model world, you’re too young to be on CSSA. The
rest of us will think back fondly of her Sports Illustrated issues,
and try not to get lost in nostalgia. Because we aren’t THAT old.
Really, we aren’t. I mean, none of us are eligible for AARP yet…

66: Sofia Coppola

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 8

Occupation: Actress, Writer, Director, etc…

Date of Birth: 12 May 1971

Place of Birth: New York, New York

Robbin’s all time favorite, Sofia Coppola is probably best known for
being Francis Ford Coppola’s best production ever. Still, filmmaking
genes aside, you need to be hot to appear on the CSSA Hotlist. Good
thing for Sofia, she IS! We’d hate to have to kick her out…

65: Dannii Minogue

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 6

Occupation: Singer/Actress/Model

Date of Birth: 20 October 1971

Place of Birth: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Say what you will about the Minogue family (Carnage, you’d best just
keep your mouth shut), they sure make popular women. The younger
sister of Pop sensation Kylie Minogue, Dannii is a rising pop star
in her own right, as well as an actress and frequent poser for those
mens magazines that didn’t bother to consult with us on their
versions of this list! What the hell’s wrong with them, anyway!

64: Nicole de Boer

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: actress

Date of Birth: 20 December 1970
Place of Birth: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

They really go out of the way to find the babes in Star Trek. I
mean, they went all the way to Toronto to get the lovely little
Nicole de Boer. As Ezri Dax in the last season of “Star Trek: Deep
Space 9,” Nicole gained an instant fan base, and a permanent job as
a guest at Trekkie Conventions. But try not to hold that against
her. She’s really, really cute, after all.

63: Cindy Crawford

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 45

Occupation: Actress/Model

Date of Birth: 20 February 1966

Place of Birth: DeKalb, Illinois

Here’s an interesting tid bit – did you know that Cindy Crawford is
not only the star of Victor Field’s Cindy Inc series, but that she’s
also apparently a super model! Who knew?! (Vic? Vic, put down those
gardening tools…)

62: Serena Williams

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 5

Occupation: Tennis Player

Date of Birth: 26 September 1981

Place of Birth: Saginaw, Michigan

You know, it’s never enough for Serena. Not only does she have to be
a top ranked tennis player, but she’s also got to be on the CSSA
hotlist. Rumor has it, she offered blowjobs to anyone who voted for
her. We don’t know if that’s true or not, but we do know the one
about her sending men with tennis rackets to “deal” with those who
didn’t vote for her IS true. So, we’ve told her that it’s all George
W. Bush’s fault she only ranked #62. Damn government, always getting
in the way!

61: Reese Witherspoon

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 16

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 22 March 1976

Place of Birth: Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Sure, she may be “Legally Blonde,” but the real question at hand is
if the lovely Miss Witherspoon is NATURALLY Blonde. We tried to find
out first hand, but that worthless husband of hers kept getting in
the way. Maybe we’ll send Jubilee to find out next time. Ryan
Phillippe doesn’t look like he’d hit a girl…

60: Mariah Carey

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 42

Occupation: Singer/Actress/Mental Patient

Date of Birth: 27 March 1970

Place of Birth: Huntington, New York

Crazy. Crazy for loving you! That’s what we all say when we think of
Mariah Carey. Well, not all of us. Mostly just TRL. But, then again,
he’s always been crazy (oddly enough, he’s always been a fan of
Mariah’s – coincidence? We think NOT!)

* * *

We’ve often wondered just what it is that makes CSSA so popular.
Sure, it might be all the celebrity women in sexual fantasies, or it
might be the excellent writing, or it might even be the fact that
our message board is so lively.

But, in case it ISN’T any of these things, we asked Rich Wilson to
host a panel of a few distinguished guests (and KMB) in a round
table discussion of what it is that makes CSSA so popular. Take it
away, Rich.

WILSON: I’m here today with four experts on CSSA. Together, we’re
going to discuss the popularity of the web site, what makes it tick,
and what will keep it going for the next 5,000 years. Or until the
Internet dies. Whichever comes first. To my immediate left is
Carnage Jackson, former CSSA Webmaster, Author, and frequent board
poster. Good to have you here Carnage.

CARNAGE: Thanks, Rich.

WILSON: Next to Carnage we have KMB, the acclaimed author of “The
Harem” series, arguably the most popular celeb erotic series in
history. KMB, glad you could make it.

KMB: We’re here to discuss Rose McGowan, right?

WILSON: Eh, yes. Next to Rich is Rulehater, the most prolific
minority author on CSSA. Famous for promoting Beyonce Knowles and
spinning off Carnage’s Journal of an Agent series, ‘Hater has become
a popular member of the message board. ‘Hater, a pleasure.

HATER: Word.

WILSON: Finally, in a real coup, we have the author known only to
the world as Anonymous. Long thought to be more than one writer,
Anonymous is actually one man who writes literally thousands of
different stories and stiles. In order to protect his identity,
we’ve blacked out his face, and given him a voice changer.
Unfortunately, the only voice changer we had belonged to TRL, so
Anonymous will sound like Jar-Jar Binks in this interview.

ANONYMOUS: Mesa is glad bein’ herein’.

WILSON: Sorry about the voice, Anonymous.

ANONYMOUS: No biggen dealo.

WILSON: Carnage, let’s start with you. As the former webmaster of
CSSA, what do you think has lead to the popularity of CSSA?

CARNAGE: Well, the celebs draw people in – CSSA often comes up in
web searches for celebs. But what keeps them coming back are the
great stories and writers we have here. Some of our stories are so
good, they’re a thousand times better than a lot of books that get
published these days.

WILSON: KMB, do you think the popularity of “The Harem” can be
linked to the popularity of CSSA?

KMB: All our popularity can be summed up in two words: Rose McGowan.
The beloved goddess on earth, Rose, is the single most important
reason for human life, and we should all be thankful that such a
beauty will even speak with us.

WILSON: Uh, right. Moving right along. Rulehater, you’ve launched a
one-man crusade to bring minorities to CSSA. How do you think you’ve
progressed?

HATER: Yo, yo, yo! I’d first like to say big up to all my homies out
there in the Beyonce Bunch! Chill, dawgs! ‘Hater in the House! Shout
out to TSSA! Raise the Roof!

WILSON: Uh, ‘Hater, are you going to answer the question?

HATER: Yo, don’t push a brotha! I’ll pop some caps in your ass,
whitey! Don’t think I won’t! I’ll go all Puff Daddy on your ass!

WILSON: Oh-kay. Anonymous, can you tell us what it is that you think
makes CSSA such a good place to post your stories?

ANONYMOUS: Mesa thinkin that CSSA is tha bombbad! Itsa mouey mouey
cawazee!

WILSON: Next time, we’re using a different voice changer.

ANONYMOUS: Ah, the hell with it! I’m sick of being an unknown! It’s
time to reveal the REAL ME!

WILSON: Oh my god! The author known only as anonymous is actually
Right-winged Republican blowhard Shawn Hannity!

HANNITY: That’s right! Being a stuffy republican has left me with a
horribly repressed sex drive! I need a place to vent! I need CSSA to
get out all my nasty, dirty, down right disgusting thoughts! Oh,
god, please help me!

WILSON: Maybe now would be a good time to get back to the Hot 100
list…

* * *

59: Alison Mack

Points Garnered: 10

Number of Stories on CSSA: 3

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 29 July 1982

Place of Birth: Preez, Germany

This “Smallville” Star was born in Germany but moved with her family
to Long Beach, California. We’re glad she did. We’re not sure we’d
like her with a German accent. Plus, she looks much better in a
bikini than in whatever it is they wear in Germany (Wait! They have
nude beaches in Germany! Maybe we should send her back…)

58: Charlize Theron

Points Garnered: 10.5

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 7 August 1975

Place of Birth: Benoni, South Africa

You might not know that Charlize is a trained Ballet dancer, who,
save for a knee injury when younger, would still be doing Swan Lake
today. Considering Charlize’s penchanct for shedding her top in
movies, we here at CSSA are all for knee injuries. In fact, Voodoo’s
out whacking the knees of a few young ice skaters as we speak, just
in case…

57: Stephanie McMahon

Points Garnered: 11

Number of Stories on CSSA: 74

Occupation: Wrestler, we guess…

Date of Birth: 24 September 1976

Place of Birth: Hartford, Connecticut

It just goes to show once more how popular wrestling is these days.
If the daughter of the OWNER of the WWE (or whatever they’re calling
it these days) makes our hot list, more than a few people are
watching wrestling. Actually, considering how we tallied the votes,
there may only be 2 people watching wrestling. Maybe it isn’t that
popular after all…

56: Winona Ryder

Points Garnered: 11

Number of Stories on CSSA: 46

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 29 October 1971

Place of Birth: Winona, Minnesota

You know, we had a really good little blurb for Winona. It was
funny, sexy, and made fun of the fact that she was named after the
town she was born in. But then we showed it to Winona, and it’s
since come up missing. Almost as if it was stolen or something. Oh,
well…

55: Nia Long

Points Garnered: 13

Number of Stories on CSSA: 0

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 October 1970

Place of Birth: Brooklyn, New York

Ah, damn it! Someone took Nia’s bio, too! Damn shoplifters are
everywhere!

54: Jules Asner

Points Garnered: 13

Number of Stories on CSSA: 9

Occupation: Reporter for E!/Actress

Date of Birth: 14 February 1968

Place of Birth: Tempe, Arizona

If you’ve never seen Jules Asner in a bikini, you’ve never owned
cable. The former host of both “Wild On” and “E! News Daily,” Jules
has traveled the world, reporting on parties and celebrities. She’s
also worn every style of bikini you can think off – except for the
invisible one Carnage came up with last year. For some strange
reason, they just aren’t selling…

53: Beverley Mitchell

Points Garnered: 13

Number of Stories on CSSA: 20

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 22 January 1981

Place of Birth: Arcadia, California

You know, the funny thing about Beverley Mitchell (aside from the
fact that most people spell her first name wrong) is that she plays
the younger daughter on “7th Heaven,” despite being a whole year
older than fellow sexy star Jessica Biel. So, the question is, in
all their hot lesbian scenes on that show, which one is really the
big sister showing the younger one how to please a woman. What’s
that? There are not hot lesbian scenes on “7th Heaven?” Well, it
sure isn’t a CSSA Heaven, then is it?

52: Gabrielle Union

Points Garnered: 13

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 29 October 1973

Place of Birth: Omaha, Nebraska, USA

Before any of you NC writers set your sights on our lovely #52, you
should know that Gabrielle was an actual Victim of a Rape when she
was 18. She also nearly blew the head off the guy who did it to her.
So, show this hot babe the respect she deserves – ’cause you KNOW
she’ll kick your ass if you don’t.

51: Tara Reid

Points Garnered: 13

Number of Stories on CSSA: 10

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 8 November 1975

Place of Birth: Wyckoff, New Jersey

Tara Reid is a hot blonde who features a smoky voice and a smokin’
body. This former “Josie and the Pussycats” member may have dated
looser Carson Daly, but she’s never been with OUR TRL. Which makes
him sad, so don’t mention it. After all, he still likes to think
he’s better than Carson Daly…

50: Jessica Simpson

Points Garnered: 14

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 10 July 1980

Place of Birth: Waco, Texas

Why is it that the Preacher’s Daughter is always the hottest babe in
town? Is it a law of some sort that hot babes like Jessica Simpson
need to hold on to their virginity until they get married? And THEN
they have to marry loosers from Boy Bands? Jessica’s third album
will be out late this summer. At least we can still look at the
pictures…

* * *

We thought we’d take some time to show everyone what goes into the
writing of an erotic story. So, we sent CSSA Hotlist members Nia
Long and Jules Asner on a mission to follow TRL through a day of
working on a story. Here’s what they got:

ASNER: We’re here in TRL’s Basement where the award-winning author
is hard at work on his next CSSA story. TRL, can you tell us about
it?

TRL: Uh, yeah, I guess so, Jules. It’s the latest installment of
Celebs Meet CSSA.

LONG: Who stares in it?

TRL: Well, Rachael Leigh Cook and Rose McGowan are back, but the
main celeb this time is Shania Twain.

ASNER: How do you get your ideas for all those sexy scenes?

TRL: Well, it’s not easy. The logistics can be pretty tough.
Especially when writing lesbian scenes.

LONG: Do you have any tricks to help you out?

TRL: Yes, actually. Whenever possible, I get women to act out the
scene for me.

ASNER: Really? That’s so cool.

TRL: In fact, Jules, Nia, you two can help me out right now. Could
you please get naked for me?

LONG: Uh, are we getting paid for this?

ASNER: Come on, Nia. Follow the old “Wild On” rule – do whatever it
takes to get the story.

LONG: All right, I’m getting naked.

TRL: Wow. You two are HOT!

ASNER: Now what?

TRL: I, uh, need you two to do some lesbian stuff for me. You know,
act it out and all.

LONG: I thought you were writing a Male/Female scene?

TRL: I’m past that now. I need lesbians.

ASNER: And you want us to help?

TRL: Oh, god, yes.

LONG: So if I kiss Jules, would it help?

TRL: Yes! Oh, definitely yes.

ASNER: Yummy! I love your Chocolate skin, Nia! Hey, TRL! What about
if I finger Nia’s pussy?

TRL: Great idea! Oh, yeah, that’s it.

LONG: Oh, God Jules! Where did you learn to do that with your
fingers? You’re making me so wet!

ASNER: Brooke Burke showed me when we – HEY! Aren’t you supposed to
be writing?

TRL: Huh?

LONG: Stop stroking your dick and get back to work!

* * *

49: Laetitia Casta

Points Garnered: 14

Number of Stories on CSSA: 18

Occupation: Model/Actress

Date of Birth: 11 May 1978

Place of Birth: Pont-Audemer, France

The French have screwed up a lot over the course of history, but at
least they did ONE thing right, sending us that one beautiful woman.
And, yes, while we really should be talking about the Statue of
Liberty, we’re far more impressed with ubermodel Laetitia Casta –
after all, the shockingly beautiful Miss Casta doesn’t have skin
that’s sickly green looking. Damn French always screw SOMETHING up,
don’t they?

48: Famke Janssen

Points Garnered: 14

Number of Stories on CSSA: 19

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 5 November 1965

Place of Birth: Amsterdam, Noord-Holland, Netherlands

Famke was born in Holland, where she began her professional career
as a model. She later moved to the United States, where she has made
her home since 1984. We’re sure that’s all important somehow, but
we’re still not over her as Xenia Onatopp from the James Bond movie
“GoldenEye.” Really, she had the last name Onatopp! That’s just so
cool! We love double entendres!

47: Cameron Diaz

Points Garnered: 14.5

Number of Stories on CSSA: 15

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 August 1972

Place of Birth: San Diego, California

There’s something about Cameron. We here at CSSA think it’s that
she’s got a smoking hot body, but in case we’re wrong, we’re willing
to listen to other opinions about the “Charlie’s Angels” and
“There’s Something About Mary” star. Strangely enough, we haven’t
heard any other opinions. Go figure?

46: Liz Phair

Points Garnered: 15

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2

Occupation: Singer/Songwriter

Date of Birth: 17 April 1967

Place of Birth: New Haven, Connecticut

If you need to know anything at all about Liz Phair (including if
her bio information is actually correct), just ask VooDoo Joe.
CSSA’s herald of all things Liz knows more about her than he does
himself. We aren’t sure if he suffered from being dropped on his
head as a kid, or is simply stalking the sexy alt rock queen. And,
because VooDoo is a little on the scary side, we’re happier not
knowing.

45: Stacy Keibler

Points Garnered: 16

Number of Stories on CSSA: 41 (In 3 separate categories)

Occupation: Wrestling Star

Date of Birth: 14 October 1979

Place of Birth: Baltimore, Maryland

What IS it with these wrestling babes? They just keep popping up on
our Hot List. Almost as often as they Pop Out of those skimpy little
outfits they wear when performing HLA on WWE Raw. We don’t actually
know what that means, but we like using initials, so we’re happy
with it!

44: Lexa Doig

Points Garnered: 16

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 8 June 1973

Place of Birth: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

The producers of “Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda” were actually pretty
smart when they cast the lovely Lexa Doig for their show. For one,
she can be on any screen on the ship. She’s also got a super sexy
android body, and can also project holograms of herself anywhere she
wants. So, basically, you can have as many copies of Lexa as you
need, all looking as sultry as all get out!

43: Holly Marie Combs

Points Garnered: 16

Number of Stories on CSSA: 23

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 3 December 1973

Place of Birth: San Diego, California

Ah, the power of three. Names, we mean. If you’ve got three names,
you seem to go far in show business. Case in point, it brought
“Charmed” babe Holly Marie Combs all the way to #43 on the CSSA
Hotlist. And, really, aren’t we the final word on all things
Hollywood?

42: Avril Lavigne

Points Garnered: 16

Number of Stories on CSSA: 28

Occupation: Singer/Skate Punk Wannabe

Date of Birth: 27 September 1984

Place of Birth: Napanee, Ontario, Canada

Ah, Avril Lavigne. The Anti-Britney who doesn’t want to be the
Anti-Britney. Or, wait, was that Pink? Ah, Avril Lavigne. The Punk
Rock star who doesn’t sing Punk Rock. Or was the Liz Phair? Ah,
Avril Lavigne, the spunky, short little Canadian. Or was THAT Elisha
Cuthbert? Ah, to hell with it! Avril’s a cute girl with a
surprisingly yummy body. Just enjoy – turn the mute on if you need
to!

41: Trish Stratus

Points Garnered: 17

Number of Stories on CSSA: 55

Occupation: Wrestling Babe

Date of Birth: 18 December 1975

Place of Birth: Toronto, Canada

Wrestling fans probably know that Trish’s real last name is
Stratigias. The rest of us probably didn’t. It’s really a kinda
funny name. Just try saying it five times fast. Stratigias.
Stratigias. Stratigias. Stratigias. Stratigias. Hmm, you know, it’s
easier if you type it. Too bad hot body Trish isn’t as easy to do as
she is to say…

40: Gwen Stefani

Points Garnered: 17

Number of Stories on CSSA: 15

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 3 October 1969

Place of Birth: Anaheim, California

TRL had to really bite his tongue to write this little blurb,
because he really dislikes Gwen. Most people find her highly
attractive, highly talented, and wouldn’t kick her out of bed for
getting cookie crumbs between the sheets. TRL WOULD kick her out of
bed, but that’s just him. He’s not right in the head.

* * *

How does Sandra Bullock feel about CSSA? We decided to find out.
Originally, we were going to have someone write a Celebs Meet CSSA
story devoted to her. But, because we’re cheap and running low on
time, we decided to send to instead just send TRL to interview her.
He was, after all, already on the payroll…

TRL: So, Miss Bullock

BULLOCK: Please, call me Sandra.

TRL: Cool. So, Sandra, have you seen CSSA yet?

BULLOCK: Only just now. I never knew there were so many stories
about celebs having sex!

TRL: Almost 3,000! Did you read any of your own stories?

BULLOCK: No, I’m not sure I want to see what’s in there.

TRL: You’re a fan of internet Fakir’s who put your head on naked
bodies, correct?

BULLOCK: You bet! They always make sure I look damn sexy!

TRL: Did you ever think that the people who write stories about you
might make you an expert in bed?

BULLOCK: You know, I never thought of that.

TRL: ARE you an expert in bed?

BULLOCK: I do all right.

TRL: Ever slept with an erotic writer?

BULLOCK: Yeah. Some guy named KMB was here about an hour ago. I’d
never done a bald guy before, so I banged him good.

TRL: Damn that KMB – always getting there before me!

* * *

39: Sandra Bullock

Points Garnered: 17

Number of Stories on CSSA: 29

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 26 July 1964

Place of Birth: Arlington, Virginia

Sandra Bullock is certainly a hot babe. So hot, she’s been an
internet favorite since Al Gore invented the place! She’s got dozens
of websites, thousands of pics, and is a Fakir Fav. And what’s more,
she’s happy about it all. We knew there was a reason why we liked
her. Wonder how she feels about CSSA? (Oh, wait, we already covered
that…)

38: Virginie Ledoyen

Points Garnered: 18

Number of Stories on CSSA: 4

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 15 November 1976

Place of Birth: Aubervilliers, France

Virginie Ledoyen could be called the French Natalie Portman. Or
perhaps the French Kiera Knightly. Or the French Audrey Hepburn. Or,
you could just call her Virginie Ledoyen. It is her name, after all.
Just don’t hold the fact that she’s French against her – trust us,
she’s gorgeous!

37: Kelly Rowland

Points Garnered: 18

Number of Stories on CSSA: 13

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 11 February 1981

Place of Birth: Atlanta, Georgia

Kelly created quite a “Dilemma” when she did a duet with rap star
Nelly – namely, how do you enjoy the video featuring the blazing hot
Kelly without being forced to watch the highly annoying Nelly? We
never figured it out, so we went back to watching her Destiny’s
Child videos instead

36: Kelly Hu

Points Garnered: 18

Number of Stories on CSSA: 7

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 13 February 1968

Place of Birth: Honolulu, Hawaii

Kelly is a fourth-generation American with Chinese, Hawaiian and
English ancestry. She is a former Miss Teen USA and modeled in Japan
and Italy for several months before deciding to relocate to L.A. and
try her hand at show business. And the rest of the world is more
than happy that she did.

35: Amanda Bynes

Points Garnered: 18

Number of Stories on CSSA: 33

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 3 April 1986

Place of Birth: Thousand Oaks, California

Amanda Bynes is one of CSSA’s under 18 favorites. The star of the
movie “What a Girl Wants” seems to be what a lot of CSSA readers
want. And, with a body like that, we can certainly understand that!

34: Mandy Moore

Points Garnered: 18

Number of Stories on CSSA: 25

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 10 April 1984

Place of Birth: Nashua, New Hampshire

Mandy Moore is the ultimate double threat – she’s both a singer and
an actress, she’s been both a blonde and a brunette, and she’s been
both under and over the legal age for consensual sex. Just ask
VooDoo about that last one – he nearly got in a lot of trouble a few
years back when the cops caught him trying to get into Mandy’s
panties – of course, it would’ve been more understandable had Mandy
been wearing the panties at the time…

33: Tia Carrere

Points Garnered: 19

Number of Stories on CSSA: 6

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 2 January 1967

Place of Birth: Honolulu, Hawaii

True “Relic Hunters” know a priceless piece of history when they see
one. So, naturally, they all got the Playboy issue with Tia’s full
nude spread. It’s still up for debate if any of them actually read
the articles, though…

32: Rachel Stevens

Points Garnered: 20

Number of Stories on CSSA: 56

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 9 April 1978

Place of Birth: London, England, UK

Anyone who wants to know anything about Rachel Stevens need simply
ask Jubilee – after all, CSSA’s resident female writer loves the
former S Club member more than anything else in the world – with the
possible exception of lesbian sex scenes. Lesbian sex scenes that
include Rachel? Forget it, Jubilee owns the market on them. Really,
she purchased all the rights to them a year or so back…

31: Shania Twain

Points Garnered: 20

Number of Stories on CSSA: 27

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 28 August 1965

Place of Birth: Windsor, Ontario, Canada

The reigning queen of Country Music, Shania’s name (the Shania part,
not the Twain) is Ojibwa Indian for “I’m On My Way.” In English, it
means “Oh My God, You’re Making Me Cum!” At least, that’s what it
sounds like to us.

30: Catherine Bell

Points Garnered: 21

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 14 August 1968

Place of Birth: London, England, UK

No one fills out a Navy Uniform like Catherine Bell does. We mean
that honestly, too. See, everyone in the world is unique, and
Catherine is no exception to the rule. As such, this lovely lady
only naturally fills out a Navy Uniform differently than anyone else
in the world. The real question is, how does she fill out the sexy
lingerie she wears underneath?

* * *

CARNAGE: Hey Folks! Carnage Jackson here with a few quick words of
wisdom for those looking to write stories for CSSA. First off, all
stories submitted to CSSA go to stories@c-s-s-a.com and not to
anywhere else. Secondly, please, for the love of god, add some story
codes telling us what’s going on in the story. The guys who run this
place don’t have time to go over every story, looking up what kind
of sex appears in each story – especially when certain windbags like
TRL write dozens of pages of crap between sex scenes.

TRL: I HEARD THAT!

CARNAGE: GOOD! Now get back to work!

TRL: Damn Carnage, thinks just because he used to run the site that
he can boss me around…

CARNAGE: Finally, if I can make some suggestions on who to write
about, look no further than our lovely # 29 – Monica Bellucci.
Here’s Monica now!

BELLUCCI: Carnage? Sweetie, I thought we were to have sex tonight?

CARNAGE: We will, Monica. Just let me get through this crap and
we’ll go have some fun.

BELLUCCI: Please hurry, Carnage. I am feeling VERY wet inside. I
need you to wash me out.

CARNAGE: Uh, That’s all! Later guys!

* * *

29: Monica Bellucci

Points Garnered: 22

Number of Stories on CSSA: 3

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 September 1968

Place of Birth: Citta di Castello, Perugia, Italy

What can we say about Monica Bellucci that hasn’t already been said?
Sure, we could mention that this hot Italian babe was originally a
part time model while working towards a law degree, or that she
appeared in a black & white TV commercial for Dolce & Gabbana. We
could mention that she’s appeared in the latest “Matrix” sequel, or
that she so damn hot, she melts plastic forks when she picks them
up. But, instead, we’ll just leave you with this little trivia
piece: 35-24-35

28: Jennifer Lopez

Points Garnered: 22

Number of Stories on CSSA: 51

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 24 July 1970

Place of Birth: The Bronx, New York

You know, you can be married as many times as you want in America,
as long as you don’t do more than one at a time. If only we’d ban
those pesky polygamy laws, then Jennifer Lopez could get around to
marrying all of us. And for that “million dollar” ass, we’d happily
put up with sharing.

27: Tyra Banks

Points Garnered: 24

Number of Stories on CSSA: 17

Occupation: Model/Actress

Date of Birth: 4 December 1973

Place of Birth: Los Angeles, California

You know, if we could get Tyra as our cover girl, we’d have an
Annual CSSA Swimsuit Special, just like those idiots at Sports
Illustrated. Only we don’t publish anything in paper, so I guess
it’d just be pictures online. And, when you get right down to it,
Victoria does that all ready – and for a far better price than we’d
offer for a lot less. Well, if we could get Tyra as our cover girl,
we’d PRETEND we have an Annual CSSA Swimsuit special. Anyone know
how to work one of those fancy professional cameras?

26: Brooke Burke

Points Garnered: 25

Number of Stories on CSSA: 12

Occupation: Model/Reporter/Actress?

Date of Birth: 8 September 1971

Place of Birth: Hartford, Connecticut

Speaking of babes who look hot in bikini’s, let’s not forget Brooke
Burke. Brookie’s the former host of “Wild On,” and publishes one of
the hottest calendars to ever grace a wall each year. And, if that’s
not enough to keep you hot, Brooke also did her own Playboy spread,
shot a video to accompany her 2003 Calendar, and also happens to be
the mother of two. Okay, so that last part might not mean that
you’re hot, but it DOES mean that Brooke’s no virgin – and since she
had two kids, she probably enjoys sex. Just not with us. *sigh*

25: Charisma Carpenter

Points Garnered: 28

Number of Stories on CSSA: 29

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 23 July 1970

Place of Birth: Las Vegas, Nevada

Charisma certainly is charismatic! Yeah, okay, that sucked. But
Charisma’s just so damn hot, we have a hard time coming up with
anything to say about her that doesn’t come out sounding like crap –
after all, to do so, we’d have to stop drooling over Charisma. And
trust us, that’s not easy!

24: Christina Aguilera

Points Garnered: 30

Number of Stories on CSSA: 104

Occupation: Singer

Date of Birth: 18 December 1980

Place of Birth: Staten Island, New York

Christina Aguilera. Xtina. Pop starlet desperately looking to break
out of the mold. Stripped, Bad-Assed, and newly dark haired. To put
it as simply as possible, Christina Aguilera is a Slut. And we
wouldn’t have her any other way.

23: Jennifer Aniston

Points Garnered: 32

Number of Stories on CSSA: 40

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 11 February 1969

Place of Birth: Sherman Oaks, California

A “Friend” in need is a “Friend” indeed. And we here at CSSA figure
“Friends” hottie Jennifer Aniston is in DESPERATE need of a good,
hard fucking. After all, she’s married to Brad Pitt, who no one
actually thinks supports a penis, thus making their marriage rather
dull. Fortunately, CSSA has literally dozens of guys lined up to
show Jennifer just how helpful we are to our “friends.”

22: Jennifer Garner

Points Garnered: 32

Number of Stories on CSSA: 15

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 17 April 1972

Place of Birth: Houston, Texas

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, we were going to
post a picture of “Alias” hottie Jennifer Garner as proof that she
deserved her #22 ranking on our hotlist. But, then someone pointed
out that we can’t have pictures posted with the stories at CSSA. So,
instead we’re going to fill this spot with a thousand words. So far,
we’ve got 70 – only 930 to go! (We’ll add more later…)

21: Jaime Pressly

Points Garnered: 33

Number of Stories on CSSA: 2 (each in it’s own category)

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 July 1977

Place of Birth: Kinston, North Carolina, USA

Anyone who doesn’t think blonde bombshell Jaime Pressly doesn’t
deserve to be on our hotlist need look no further than her
star-turning work in “Poison Ivy 3.” Not that the acting was great,
but Jaime was naked in it! A LOT! Seriously, there were like seven
or eight nekkid shots of her! Plus, one great scene where she makes
a rival think they had hot lesbian sex together. Priceless!

20: Katie Holmes

Points Garnered: 34

Number of Stories on CSSA: 43

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 18 December 1978

Place of Birth: Toledo, Ohio

For years, the incredibly beautiful Katie Holmes was labeled as a
“good girl” for her role on Dawson’s Creek. Then, she decided to go
completely topless in the movie “The Gift.” Now, she’s a bad girl
who’d be willing to take her top off for the right script. We’ve
locked KMB up in the basement until he comes up with a good script
that Katie will actually buy as a possible movie – somehow, his
Harem episodes just don’t seem like something we’d be able to film.
But that’s just Katie’s opinion! We’d LOVE a Harem movie!

* * *

HATER: Hey, TRL, when do I get to do my rap solo?

TRL: Say what?

HATER: My rap solo. You know, when I duet with Beyonce!

TRL: ‘Hater, there’s no rapping going on tonight. In fact, we’ve got
no music at all except for a bunch of old CDs Rich Wilson gave to
us. We couldn’t afford a live band.

HATER: Damn. And I was hoping to impress Beyonce with my rhyming
skills.

TRL: You mean she’s not impressed with your written works?

HATER: Oh, yeah, but you know, if I’m going to steal here away from
Jay-Z, I need to be a rapper.

TRL: Couldn’t you just be yourself?

HATER: I’ve tried that. She never noticed me.

TRL: That’s hard to believe. I’ve never known anyone with more
passion for Beyonce than you. And, to be honest, I think everyone
here would much rather see you with Beyonce than with Jay-Z.

HATER: Yeah. Oh, well, I guess I’ll just have to try and break into
the Rap business some other night. See you later, man!

TRL: Good luck!

BEYONCE: Is he gone?

TRL: Yeah, he’s gone.

BEYONCE: Good. Hurry up back stage, Writer Boy. I want to show you
why they call me Bootylicious!

TRL: I wonder if I should’ve told ‘Hater that I’d rather you be with
me than him?

* * *

19: Michelle Branch

Points Garnered: 36

Number of Stories on CSSA: 11

Occupation: Singer/Songwriter

Date of Birth: 2 July 1983

Place of Birth: Flagstaff, Arizona

“Are You Happy Now?” Because Michelle Branch is! She made it all the
way to #19 on our Hot 100 list! And, for a simple singer/songwriter
with two hit albums, a few catchy songs, and cult following, that’s
a great achievement! Plus, this raven-haired beauty wrote her own
little blurb for her entry. But we decided to replace it with this
one instead – the use of the phrase “you sickos better leave me
alone” seemed a bit harsh to us.

18: Sarah Michelle Gellar

Points Garnered: 37

Number of Stories on CSSA: 138

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 14 April 1977

Place of Birth: New York, New York

We can forgive SMG for bringing about an end to “Buffy the Vampire
Slayer.” We can forgive her for never appearing nude on screen. We
can forgive her for world famine, war, the death of small kittens,
and death itself. We can even forgive her for “Scooby-Doo.” But we
will never, EVER forgive her for marrying that utter waste of human
flesh that is Freddie Prinze Jr! Never, Sarah! NEVER!

17: Kristen Kreuk

Points Garnered: 37

Number of Stories on CSSA: 8

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 December 1982

Place of Birth: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Does it take a superman to win over Kristen Kreuk’s heart? We
certainly hope not, because we’d love to win over her heart. Of
course, with this brunette beauty, we’d be just as happy winning
over her crotch. We hear it’s really valuable property down there.

16: Alyson Hannigan

Points Garnered: 42

Number of Stories on CSSA: 36

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 24 March 1974

Place of Birth: Washington, District of Columbia

It’s hard to believe that Alyson, the nerdy redhead from “Buffy”
ranked higher than Buffy herself. It’s even harder to believe that
hot little Alyson only has 36 stories. But, really, there’s only one
question we really want to ask Alyson – has she ever REALLY stuck a
flute up her pussy? Because, if she has, we’d pay to see her do it
again!

15: Anna Kournikova

Points Garnered: 43

Number of Stories on CSSA: 48

Occupation: Model/Tennis Player?

Date of Birth: 7 June 1981

Place of Birth: Moscow, Russia

It’s not how you play the game – it’s how many endorsements you have
after the game is over that really counts. At least, that’s what
Anna Kournikova hopes. This poor girl has never won a single major
tennis tournament. Still, anyone looking at her will be hard pressed
to claim she isn’t worthy of being on the CSSA Hotlist. Especially
when she’s wearing those hot little tennis outfits she so often does
- apparently to play tennis in!

14: Rose McGowan

Points Garnered: 45

Number of Stories on CSSA: 40

Occupation: Actress/Goddess

Date of Birth: 5 September 1973

Place of Birth: Florence, Italy

You know, for a while, we considered letting KMB do the write up for
Rose. But, then we figured we’d have a thirty-page love poem
basically saying this: Rose McGowan is quite possibly the hottest
woman to ever grace the earth. So, instead, we told KMB to get back
to work on the Harem, and then went out for drinks without him.

13: Rachael Leigh Cook

Points Garnered: 45

Number of Stories on CSSA: 29

Occupation: Actress/Goddess

Date of Birth: 4 October 1979

Place of Birth: Minneapolis, Minnesota

You know, for a while, we considered letting TRL write the blurb for
Rachael Leigh Cook. Then we remembered that he already was. We still
snuck in a changed it when he wasn’t looking. So far, he hasn’t
noticed. Just remember, Rachael’s hotter than blazes. And TRL
doesn’t proofread that well.

12: Anna Paquin

Points Garnered: 46

Number of Stories on CSSA: 22

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 24 July 1982

Place of Birth: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

We never knew Anna Paquin was Canadian. We also never knew that
comic books weren’t real. So it’s a good think that X2′s Rogue is so
hot, because the sultry little Anna Paquin makes us take notice of
such important facts. Plus, she’s got a great rack.

11: Beyonce Knowles

Points Garnered: 51

Number of Stories on CSSA: 25

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 4 September 1981

Place of Birth: Houston, Texas

In honor of Beyonce ranking #11, we asked our resident Rhyme Master,
‘Hater to spin us some words:

Her beauty’s legenddary, her looks are vicious
Her curves are exquisite, she’s bootylicious
She makes my heart go up and down like the Stock exchange
And she amazes me with her six octave range
She never ceases to astound me and drive me wild
I’m in love with the lead singer of Destiny’s Child

10: Alyssa Milano

Points Garnered: 55

Number of Stories on CSSA: 68

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 19 December 1972

Place of Birth: Brooklyn, New York

All these years later, we KNOW who the boss was in that household.
It was Alyssa. Even as we got to watch her develop on national TV,
grow up into a lovely B-movie actress who bared her breasts in more
movies than we realized, and then become an A-list star again with
“Charmed” and “Melrose Place,” we always knew Alyssa was the boss.
Why? Because, quite frankly, she told us – while she was pounding
the snot out of us for looking up naked pictures of her, that why!

* * *

Well, we’re down to the last 9 babes on the list, so we thought we’d
go over our final Honorable Mention. And trust us, we’ve saved the
best for last

Well, with one or two exceptions:

HONORABLE MENTION #3

Victoria

Points Garnered: None

Number of Stories on CSSA: 1

Occupation: CSSA Webmistress/KMB’s personal Mistress/Sex Goddess

Date of Birth: We’d never ask

Place of Birth: We don’t know, but where ever it is, it’s made some
hot babes!

In honor of our favorite HONORABLE MENTION, we sent KMB to see
what’s so wonderful about Victoria.

TRL: KMB, where’s your Victoria interview?

KMB: I didn’t get it.

TRL: Why not? I thought you had an in with Victoria?

KMB: More like she’s got an in with me.

TRL: I don’t understand?

KMB: Well, I forgot I wasn’t supposed to ask her any questions
without saying “Mistress, Please” first.

TRL: Uh-oh.

KMB: I spent the next six days tied naked to a bed while she and
Rose McGowan laughed at me.

TRL: My god, man, how’d you survive that torture?

KMB: What torture? That was a dream come true! They were both NAKED!

TRL: Next time, we’re sending Carnage.

KMB: I’ve seen Rose and Victoria naked at the same time – I think
I’ve gone blind…

* * *

9: Michelle Trachtenberg

Points Garnered: 56

Number of Stories on CSSA: 40

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 11 October 1985

Place of Birth: New York, New York

We’re not sure how Michelle got cast as Sarah Michelle Gellar’s
younger sister on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” – after all, they look
nothing alike. But we’re still glad she did. After all, in case you
failed to notice, Michelle is hot – for an 18-year-old savior of the
world and all that.

8: Halle Berry

Points Garnered: 56

Number of Stories on CSSA: 27

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 14 August 1966

Place of Birth: Cleveland, Ohio

Halle Berry left us shaken, not stirred, after appearing in “Die
Another Day,” broke our hearts with “Why Do Fools Fall In Love,” and
made us wish for stormy weather after appearing in both X-Men
movies. But really, all that matters about this Oscar winning
actress is that she did one of the raunchiest sex scenes in recent
memory in “Moster’s Ball.” In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that
she was getting it from Billy Bob Thornton, that scene would be the
most erotic scene in history! Damn that Billy Bob, always ruining
good film.

7: Kirsten Dunst

Points Garnered: 62

Number of Stories on CSSA: 70

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 April 1982

Place of Birth: Point Pleasant, New Jersey

We’re a little confused here at the CSSA offices – how can this
Point Pleasant be all that pleasant if Kirsten isn’t still living
there? I mean, if the female lead of “Spider-Man” is no longer
hanging around town, doesn’t that make life considerably less than
pleasant? Oh, well, here’s hoping for more rainstorms when Kiki
isn’t wearing bras…

6: Britney Spears

Points Garnered: 71

Number of Stories on CSSA: 224

Occupation: Singer/Actress

Date of Birth: 2 December 1981

Place of Birth: Kentwood, Louisiana

Oops, Britney Did it again – she STILL has the most stories on CSSA,
and probably always will. Good thing this little part truffle is one
of the hottest babes in history – otherwise 224 stories about her
might seem like overkill. 223, sure, but 224 is just too much.

5: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Points Garnered: 86

Number of Stories on CSSA: 165

Occupation: Actress/Singer

Date of Birth: 21 February 1979

Place of Birth: Waco, Texas

The appeal of Jennifer Love Hewitt can be summed up in three little
words: Thelma and Louise. And no, we aren’t talking about the movie!
That’s what she joking calls her breasts! Geeze, haven’t you heard
that before? It’s only like the most famous rumor about Love in the
world – well that and she’s still debating doing a Playboy layout
after reading KMB’s take on the subject in “The Harem.”

4: Natalie Portman

Points Garnered: 91

Number of Stories on CSSA: 79

Occupation: Actress/Godess/Enslaver of Posses

Date of Birth: 9 June 1981

Place of Birth: Jerusalem, Israel

Well, the Natalie Portman Posse can go home now – their Goddess came
in at #4 – completely respectable, if not the top spot. No doubt
next year they’ll break a few more arms to get her at least about
100 points. Or maybe they’ll just write more stories about her. But
then, that would mean that CSSA is about the sex stories, and not
about ranking celebs by how hot they are. And is that what we really
want?

3: Elisha Cuthbert

Points Garnered: 104.5

Number of Stories on CSSA: 23

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 November 1982

Place of Birth: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

We here at CSSA are a little worried about all the backlash against
Elisha’s character, Kim, on her hit TV show “24.” A lot of critics
are claiming she adds nothing to the show, and that her character is
only there to get into trouble. Personally, we say “24″ is nothing
without Kim running around in her panties, or showing off her
nipples through damp tank tops. We don’t care if all she does is sit
there and look pretty! She looks pretty! You can’t get rid of that!

2: Eliza Dushku

Points Garnered: 105

Number of Stories on CSSA: 43

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 30 December 1980

Place of Birth: Boston, Massachusetts

Sure, most of you know Eliza as Faith, the trouble Vampire Slayer
from “Buffy.” Yeah, we know she was hot on that show, but let’s not
forget Eliza’s true calling in life – being a Cheerleader! Have you
seen her in “Bring it On?” She’s Smokin Hot! And wearing that sexy
little cheerleading outfit! Yummy! But no, all you fanboys out there
want to talk about is “Buffy.” No sense of nothing!

1: Jessica Alba

Points Garnered: 115

Number of Stories on CSSA: 84

Occupation: Actress

Date of Birth: 28 April 1981

Place of Birth: Pomona, California

Ah, it’s lonely at the top. Just ask Jessica Alba, the official #1
Hot Babe in all of CSSA. This hot little number is so sexy, there’s
no deny her appeal, even if her show was cancelled. Wondering where
you’ll see Jess appear next? Look no further than CSSA – we’re
certain some of our writers are being inspired by the massive
blowjob session Jessica is giving backstage to everyone who’s helped
make her #1. Wait a second – if that’s going on backstage, why the
hell are we out here?!?!

* * *

Well folks, there you have it! The official CSSA 2003 Hotlist! All
106 women, plus extras, all hot and ready to roll. Now, use this
little list as inspiration for some hot stories, and we’ll see who
comes out on top next year! Keep writing!

* * *

TRL: Man, am I glad THAT’S over. What a waste of time!

ALBA: Hey, TRL!

TRL: Jessica? What are you doing here?

ALBA: What’s that crap about me giving blowjobs?

TRL: Oh, well, we needed a quick way out of your little blurb, so we
just came up with that.

ALBA: Well, I suppose I should do SOMETHING to thank you guys for
voting me #1, even if I don’t have any major projects to promote.

TRL: What did you have in mind?

ALBA: *sighs* Listen, if you keep your mouth shut, I’ll give you a
quick blow. Will that be thanks enough?

TRL: *smiling wickedly* Absolutely.

ALBA: Drop trousers, then. Let’s get this over with.

TRL: You know, this wasn’t such a waste of time after all…

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